[A street.  Florence, Italy.  SYRO and CALLIMACO.]

CALLIMACO: Syro!

SYRO: I didn't do it!

CALLIMACO: Do what?

SYRO: It wasn't me!

CALLIMACO: What are you talking about?

SYRO: Whatever you were about to accuse me of!

CALLIMACO: I wasn't going to accuse you of anything.

SYRO: Good.  'Cause I'm completely innocent.

CALLIMACO: I just thought you might have noticed me acting a little strangely.

SYRO: Yeah.  So?

CALLIMACO: Well, I wanted to explain myself.

SYRO: Go ahead.

CALLIMACO: No.  I mean, if you didn't notice anything ...

SYRO: Yeah.  I did.  You were acting weird.

CALLIMACO: Was I?

SYRO: Brooding and shit.

CALLIMACO: I was brooding.

SYRO: Why?

CALLIMACO: That's what I was going to tell you.

SYRO: Well, don't let me stop you.  I'm just the servant.

CALLIMACO: You're more than a servant, Syro.

SYRO: Am I?

CALLIMACO: I think of you as ... well, almost a brother.

SYRO: What do you want?

CALLIMACO: I don't want anything.

SYRO: I'm onto your game, Callimaco.  Anytime you start acting nice, there's a price.

CALLIMACO: Okay, okay.  There's this woman ...

SYRO: I knew it!  A woman!  It had to be!

CALLIMACO: There's nothing else it could have been?

SYRO: Not for this brooding shit.  That's always a woman.

CALLIMACO: You were probably surprised I left Paris so quickly.

SYRO: Yeah.  I mean, what the hell man?  Paris sucked?  Don't tell me Paris sucked!  That's my dream!  To do Paris!

CALLIMACO: Paris was fine.

SYRO: Thank god!

CALLIMACO: I came home for a reason.

SYRO: Some chick.  I get it.

CALLIMACO: Not just "some chick."

SYRO: This one is special?

CALLIMACO: Well, let's not go overboard.  I wouldn't say "special."  But there's something about her.

SYRO: Is she married?

CALLIMACO: Of course she's married.  If she wasn't married, I could have her, and then I wouldn't want her.

SYRO: You're kind of an asshole like that. 

CALLIMACO: Usually.  Yes.  That's true.

SYRO: But not this time?

CALLIMACO: No.

SYRO: She's got you hooked?

CALLIMACO: I have to have her, Syro!  I'm losing my mind!

SYRO: Seriously?

CALLIMACO: This is no joke!  I can't stop thinking about her!  I can't eat!  I can't sleep!

SYRO: Go get a whore.

CALLIMACO: I don't want a whore!  Not anymore!

SYRO: Oh my god.

CALLIMACO: Yeah!

SYRO: This is serious.

CALLIMACO: What am I going to do?

SYRO: Well, we'll have to get her for you, I guess.  This witch woman.  This siren of Florence.

CALLIMACO: Syro!  Brother!  I knew I could count on you!

SYRO: Just one thing.

CALLIMACO: All right.

SYRO: What's in it for me?

CALLIMACO: Does there have to be something in it for you?

SYRO: Damn straight there does!  You're gonna ask me to do some crazy shit!  I want to be properly compensated!

CALLIMACO: I promise.  You will be compensated.

SYRO: Properly?

CALLIMACO: Yes.  Properly.

SYRO: Okay.  Tell me what to do.

CALLIMACO: Her name is Madonna Lucrezia.

SYRO: She's married to that Calfucci dude?

CALLIMACO: Calfucci.  Yes.

SYRO: She's fucking hot!

CALLIMACO: She's beautiful.

SYRO: You think you're gonna nail that?

CALLIMACO: If everything goes according to plan.

SYRO: This better be one good plan.

CALLIMACO: It is.  It will be.  When I think of it.

SYRO: How did you meet her?

CALLIMACO: They came through Paris.  On vacation.

SYRO: You met her at a party or something?

CALLIMACO: A soiree.

SYRO: And followed her here?

CALLIMACO: I couldn't stop thinking about her.

SYRO: What if she's not interested?

CALLIMACO: She likely isn't.

SYRO: She's a prude?

CALLIMACO: Very chaste.

SYRO: Married and chaste.  Great.

CALLIMACO: Her husband is ancient, but he's a healthy old bugger.  He could live for years.

SYRO: You can't wait him out?

CALLIMACO: I'll kill myself first.

SYRO: Can you get to any of the maids?

CALLIMACO: I don't want the maids.

SYRO: No.  Bribe them.  Get them to plead your case.

CALLIMACO: Calfucci runs a tight ship.  Bribery and extortion are out of the question.

SYRO: You're killing me here.

CALLIMACO: I'd think it was hopeless, but he's an idiot.  A real dufus. 

SYRO: That's helpful.

CALLIMACO: And he wants kids.  He's desperate.

SYRO: How desperate?

CALLIMACO: He'd do anything.

SYRO: Anything?

CALLIMACO: What are you thinking?

SYRO: I know a guy.

CALLIMACO: We can't have him killed!

SYRO: I wasn't going to say that.  You always think the worst.

CALLIMACO: Well, you're capable of anything.

SYRO: This guy.  Ligurio.  He's tight with Calfucci.  He could bring you around.  Help you infiltrate the inner circle.

CALLIMACO: Syro!  You're a genius!

SYRO: Remember that when it's time to pay up.

CALLIMACO: Would your friend help us?  I'd pay him, of course.

SYRO: Oh, he'll help.

CALLIMACO: Beautiful.

SYRO: But don't trust him with anything you don't have to.  Ligurio's a parasite.  A real lowlife.  He'd sell you out for a granola bar.

CALLIMACO: I thought you were tight.

SYRO: Oh.  We are.  Like brothers.