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a monologue from
MURDER BY MIDNIGHT

by Jeff Goode


PISTON: The story I’m gonna tell you, you’re not gonna believe.  But every word of it is true.  I know because it happened to me—But enough about me.  We really don’t have time for that. 

And by we, I mean, me: Dick Piston, hotel detective.

It was a Friday night in the big city.  And on a Friday night, you’ll find me making my rounds at the Lakeview Hotel: a two-bit armpit on the upside of downtown.  Anytime before midnight, that is.  After midnight, you’ll catch me drowning my proverbial sorrows at the five-star dive bar in the lobby of that hotel.  But at ten minutes to midnight, I’m always here in my office, watching the clock. 

Not that I’m a proverbial stickler for whatever punctual people stickle for.  And not that I couldn’t use the overtime.  But my employer had made it clear that anyone who did use the overtime would be spending all their time xeroxing resumes at the discount copy shop on the corner.

You see, the hotel had been wallowing in red ink for quite some time now.  And it was likely to continue hemorrhaging proverbial money until it stopped hemorrhaging potential hotel guests.  And I only wish that was a metaphor.  The Lakeview Hotel had the highest mortality rate of any luxury accommodations west of Baghdad.  Or east of Baghdad.  Or in Baghdad.

In fact, as hotel detective, I had personally investigated six unsolved murders in the last five weeks.  And committed four.  So the management wasn’t entirely happy with my proverbial job performance.  So that’s why they told me anyone who clocked even one minute of unauthorized overtime would be out of a proverbial job.  Literally.  And by anyone, they meant me, Dick Piston, hotel detective.

Download the full text of this play

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Copyright © 2007 by Jeff Goode

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that Murder by Midnight is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to the author at JeffGoode@gmail.com

 

 



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