SCENE 1- DAY 6
Sound of a bicycle bell:
DING DING! DING DING!
[Lights up on a man and a woman, riding bicycles, side by side, facing the audience. The woman wears a knee brace and rides a road bike; the man rides a mountain bike. They are equipped for a long ride-- helmets, CamelBaks, water bottles, padded bicycle shorts. They've been on these bikes for a while and it shows. They pedal dutifully without
interruption. The woman sucks the life out of her water bottle. The man watches her adoringly.]
MAN:
How’s your knee?
WOMAN:
I’m thinking it would hurt less if you just wailed on it with a sledgehammer.
MAN:
Next pit stop we’ll try that instead of ice.
WOMAN:
Sounds like a plan. Unless you can’t find a sledgehammer. In that case we’ll just go with the ice.
MAN:
Agreed. (beat) We’re almost there. It’s almost over. In thirty more miles we’ll be there and we’ll be...
WOMAN:
Done. The longest thirty miles of my life. I’m in misery. (she looks at him) Now would be a good time to make me laugh.
MAN:
(beat) Marry me.
WOMAN:
(beat) That’s not funny. Try again.
MAN:
I’m serious. Marry me.
WOMAN:
Marry you?
MAN:
Marry me. Don’t think. Just say yes.
SCENE 2- DAY 5
DING DING! DING DING!
[Side by side, they slowly climb a hill.]
MAN:
You’re good... at hills.
WOMAN:
It’s the knowledge... that... it... will... eventually... plateau... Every hill has a summit!
[She reaches the summit and recovers from the climb -- drinking water and waiting for him to catch up. He passes her.]
MAN:
I’m better at down hills, myself.
WOMAN:
I’m afraid I’ll fall!
MAN: (calling back to her) Lay off your brakes! Trust and let go.
[She does. She screams. Relaxes into the downhill speed. Catches up to him.]
WOMAN:
Just so you know, what happened last night in the tent, I don’t usually do that so fast. I’ve never. I mean... it meant... something. Big! And I just hope you know that I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t made... that phone call.
MAN:
I know.
WOMAN:
Because I’d never--
MAN:
I know.
WOMAN:
My friends say I have unreal expectations about people. And I’m terribly naive. I’ll believe anything you tell me. Especially if it’s something I want.
MAN:
I love you.
WOMAN:
I believe you.
SCENE 3 - DAY 4
DING DING! DING DING!
[They ride directly into a head-wind.]
WOMAN:
(to the wind) Go pick on someone your own size, wind, and leave me alone! I hate you! Go away. Just go. Go. Leave!
MAN:
(to the wind) I’ll kill you. Slice you open with a machete and beat you with my bare hands. I’m stronger than you. I am stronger.
WOMAN:
FUCK! YOU! WIND!!! |
MAN:
FUCK! YOU! WIND!!! |
[They look at each other.]
WOMAN:
I’m sorry about before.
MAN:
No, I’m sorry.
WOMAN:
I missed you.
MAN:
I missed you too. (beat) How’s... how’s your knee?
WOMAN:
It’s punishing me. Thanks for asking.
MAN:
You’re doing great.
WOMAN:
It’s so unfair that you have no pain.
MAN:
Oh I have pain. My butt hurts so much I’m thinking of replacing it.
WOMAN:
Butt replacement?
MAN:
Transplant.
WOMAN:
Mine hurts too.
MAN:
And my wrists...
WOMAN:
Mine too. And my back.
MAN:
Kills.
WOMAN:
My knee, though. It’s... beyond pain.
MAN:
I could massage it at the next pit stop. If you want.
WOMAN:
You don’t have to.
MAN:
I know.
WOMAN:
That’s sweet.
MAN:
I think I love you.
WOMAN:
(please don’t break my heart) I know I love you.
SCENE 4- DAY 3
DING DING! DING DING!
[Still riding side by side.]
MAN:
How’s your knee?
WOMAN:
Would you stop asking about my knee?!
MAN:
I’m just trying to be--
WOMAN:
(near tears) It’s fine. Okay? It’s not your concern.
MAN:
But I’m just--
WOMAN:
It’s fine.
MAN:
Okay.
(beat) I tried to call her. No cell phone towers. No pay phones.
WOMAN:
There was a pay phone at Subway.
MAN:
I didn’t see it.
WOMAN:
You didn’t look.
MAN:
I said I’d call her. I’ll call her.
WOMAN:
I’m not telling you to call her.
MAN:
You’re just telling me what I’ll miss out on if I don’t.
WOMAN:
Do what you want.
MAN:
Fuck.
WOMAN:
We turn here.
MAN:
No, we don’t.
WOMAN:
Left at the tracks.
MAN:
At the second set.
WOMAN:
That was the second set!
MAN:
No it wasn’t!
WOMAN:
Maybe we should take a break from each other and ride separately for a while.
MAN:
What?
WOMAN:
You go your way, I’ll go mine.
MAN:
Fine.
WOMAN:
Fine.
SCENE 5- DAY 2
DING DING! DING DING!
[They ride.]
MAN:
How’s your knee?
WOMAN:
What knee? I’m starving.
MAN:
Me too!
WOMAN:
And I can’t possibly eat another Power bar. I’ll die.
MAN:
I know. I want real food.
WOMAN:
Fast food.
MAN:
Junk food.
WOMAN:
I’d kill for some of that.
MAN:
I’d kill for a root beer float.
| WOMAN:
From A&W! |
MAN:
From A&W! |
[They look at each other and smile.]
MAN:
I’m gonna call her. Next town with a cell phone tower. Or a pay phone. I’ll call her.
[She picks up her water bottle and
drinks.]
WOMAN:
We should probably just be friends. You and me.
MAN:
I’m gonna call her.
WOMAN:
You’re gonna call her? And...
MAN:
Break it off.
[He reaches for his water bottle to find
it empty.]
WOMAN:
Over the phone?
MAN:
What else? Wait until we get back? I mean, it’s your call.
WOMAN:
My call?
MAN:
What do you want?
WOMAN:
What do you want?
MAN:
You.
WOMAN:
And?
MAN:
And only you.
WOMAN:
Really?
MAN:
Absolutely.
WOMAN:
Good. Because I refuse to be the other woman.
[She hands him her water bottle. He drinks.]
SCENE 6 - DAY 1
DING DING! DING DING!
[They ride. Side by side. She drinks her water and doesn’t notice he’s there.]
MAN:
Hi.
[She’s startled by his presence.]
WOMAN:
Shit!
MAN:
Sorry. Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to.
WOMAN:
I didn’t know you were there.
MAN:
Do you mind if I ride beside you?
WOMAN:
We’re supposed to ride single file. I was riding single file. And then you...
MAN:
I just saw you back there at the rest stop with a giant bag of ice on your knee and I wanted to make sure you were okay.
WOMAN:
(not really) I’m fine.
MAN:
You were crying.
WOMAN:
Who are you?
MAN:
I’m sorry, I just... I saw you.
WOMAN:
You saw me.
MAN:
Crying.
WOMAN:
My knee really hurts. I trained too much.
MAN:
You trained with Nick. Right?
WOMAN:
Are you stalking me or something?
MAN:
I’m his brother. I didn’t train at all.
WOMAN:
Oh, you’re--
MAN:
Sean.
WOMAN:
Helena.
| MAN:
Nice to meet you. |
WOMAN:
Nice to meet you. |
WOMAN:
What kind of person doesn’t train for a 500 mile bike ride?
MAN:
Spontaneous. And a little stupid.
WOMAN:
A lot.
MAN:
Hey, at least my legs are fresh.
[She laughs.]
MAN:
Ah, you laugh. Can’t feel pleasure and pain at the same time. It’s--
| MAN:
Impossible. |
WOMAN:
Impossible. |
MAN:
Yeah. So I make you laugh and you feel no pain.
WOMAN:
Thanks. All you have to do is make me laugh for 400 more
miles and I just might have a chance of making it.
MAN:
That’s not a bad plan. We’ll ride together. The whole way.
WOMAN:
You want to ride with me... the whole way?
MAN:
We make the perfect team. You trained too much, I didn’t
train enough.
WOMAN:
What if I’m too slow?
MAN:
What if I’m too slow? Right now you’re down and I’m up. Later
you might be up when I’m down.
WOMAN:
Do you know how to change a flat?
MAN:
No. Do you?
WOMAN:
No.
[She smiles.]
MAN:
You have the most amazing dimples, you know.
[Beat.]
WOMAN:
You have a girlfriend, don’t you?
MAN:
(after a beat) Ride with me. The whole way. Don’t think. Just say yes.
[Lights.]
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Copyright © 2012 by Stephanie Alison Walker
CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that The Big Ride is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.
Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to the author at stephawalker@gmail.com
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