- BRENT, 30's
- TASHA, 20's
- A convenience store/gas station on the East Side.
[An ARCO AM-PM Mini-Market.]
[BRENT behind the counter, TASHA enters.]
TASHA: Pack of Parliament Lights.
BRENT: That it?
BRENT: Six Seventy-Five.
[Tasha gives him exact change down to the penny. She then turns her attention to the stickers for sale.]
TASHA: What’s this? The uh… What is the “1st Amendment”?
TASHA: That sticker. “I heart the 1st amendment”?
BRENT: You don’t know?
TASHA: No, what is it?
BRENT: I… uh… freedom of, something.
BRENT: It’s a freedom. One of our freedoms. Freedom of speech or something. And if you buy the sticker it means you heart it. I don’t know.
TASHA: Oh. Yeah. How much for the 9-11 bear?
BRENT: That? You wanna buy the 9-11 bear?
TASHA: I don’t know. I just wanted to see how much it was.
BRENT: I don’t think it’s for sale. No one ever asked.
TASHA: You have any matches?
BRENT: No. We have lighters.
TASHA: For sale.
TASHA: You don’t get a free pack of matches any more?
BRENT: No. Not any more. Insurance or something.
BRENT: That’s what I was told.
TASHA: Your boss is just cheap.
BRENT: Is that it for ya? Just the smokes?
TASHA: I gotta pay for an “I heart the 1st amendment” sticker whatever the fuck that is, but you don’t have matches.
BRENT: Hey ya know, it’s just a job right now. Just a job.
TASHA: Well I don’t have a light. Ah shit, I’m gonna need about 10 dollars a gas.
TASHA: Yeah. Can I just a, light my smoke with this lighter? (looking at lighter) What is that? Who is that?
BRENT: I don’t know.
TASHA: That guy in Pulp Fiction, is that who that is?
BRENT: I don’t know. But you can’t…
TASHA: Have you seen that? Pulp Fiction?
BRENT: Not all the way through.
TASHA: Me neither. I don’t get it.
BRENT: Can’t you light your smoke on the push-in lighter in your car?
TASHA: They don’t put lighters in cars anymore.
BRENT: There’s one in my car.
TASHA: What a ’91 Camry? Sure.
TASHA: Just kidding. Just kidding.
TASHA: How ‘bout I show you my tits and I can have this lighter.
TASHA: Huh? Deal?
BRENT: No. I can’t…
TASHA: I know, I show you my tits and I just light my smoke put the lighter back and run out…
BRENT: No see you can’t smoke while filling up your car… you’ll…
TASHA: Oh yeah. Well forget the gas, I’ll just light my smoke and go…
TASHA: Is that ok? I’ll run right out.
BRENT: Well. Are you gonna show me your tits?
TASHA: No. Not now. That’s off that table.
BRENT: W… Why?
TASHA: Well, for one ‘cause you gotta camera up there hiding behind fuckin’ 9-11 bear.
TASHA: You forgot about that didn’t cha? I didn’t.
BRENT: Can you show me your tits outside?
BRENT: Yeah, we’ll, I’ll take the lighter outside, you show me your tits and I’ll light your smoke and then you can go.
TASHA: There, there’s no camera outside?
BRENT: Well, yeah but I know where it shines, ya know, where it shoots.
TASHA: Oh. But there’s people outside. Traffic. Fuck it, I’m lighting my smoke and running out, there’s no law against.
BRENT: Wait, wait if you just stand back about three feet, just step back you’ll be out of range of the camera.
BRENT: Yeah! No I swear, just step back about 3-4 feet.
TASHA: What about the gas?
BRENT: You said you didn’t need the gas. And you can’t smoke while filling the, filling the gas, the tank.
TASHA: Look how can I get gas and a light without…
BRENT: Here just take the lighter…
TASHA: I can’t get gas and a light in this country without showing my tits is that what you’re telling me?
BRENT: Just take the lighter in your hand there, you’re not going to get busted for taking the lighter, I won’t say anything, we get these things for practically nothing…
TASHA: This one?
BRENT: Yeah, just keep that one, gimme ten bucks, stand back right there and show me your tits.
TASHA: Ten bucks?
BRENT: For the gas!
TASHA: Does it have to be this lighter? Can I have another one? How ‘bout this Madonna lookin’ one?
BRENT: That’s not Madonna, that’s Marylin Monroe.
BRENT: You know who that is…
TASHA: Yeah, I know who that is… Who’s this one?
BRENT: I think that’s James Dean.
TASHA: Who’s that?
BRENT: I don’t know, but you can’t have that one though, only the one in your hand.
TASHA: Look I’m not going to… if I’m going to show you my tits I’m at least going to get a lighter I like!
BRENT: All right. You can have whatever, whatever one you like if you promise you will show me your tits.
TASHA: You really wanna see my tits.
BRENT: Fuck yeah, I might as well be in prison. This job sucks so much that if you just show me your tits right now life would be so much better. Look man, you offered.
TASHA: All right. Jesus.
BRENT: What’s wrong?
TASHA: No I meant Jesus. There’s a Jesus lighter. And it’s pink. I’m taking this one.
BRENT: The pink Jesus lighter ok.
TASHA: See, now this is a story see. Someone says what’s up with the pink Jesus lighter? And I say yeah, I got that lighter free from the guy down at the am/pm all I had to do was show him my tits. Now where do I stand?
BRENT: Wait. You can’t tell anyone about this.
TASHA: A whuh? Hauh!? I got a pink Jesus lighter! Now what am I supposed to say when people see this?! I bought it?
BRENT: Yeah! Yes! You bought it! I don’t want every fuckin’ chick comin’ down here takin’ the fuckin’ lighters…
TASHA: Listen to you, listen to you!
BRENT: I don’t! Well, I do. But, I can’t be giving out lighters…
TASHA: You said they aren’t worth nothin’…
BRENT: I didn’t say that…
TASHA: You said the manager makes a fortune off these!
BRENT: I didn’t say that!
TASHA: He does though right? How many lighters you sell since you don’t give away matches? Huh? You don’t give away matches any more so now everyone has to put their hard earned down for some piece of shit Jesus lighter. My freedoms, what about my freedoms? That stupid sticker is right!
BRENT: You know what? Nevermind. I don’t want to see your tits now. Put the lighter back and get out.
BRENT: Nope. Gimme the lighter.
TASHA: No! why?
BRENT: You’re not doin’ it for me now. You ruined the mood.
TASHA: What? Oh but I’m in the mood.
BRENT: Yeah, well I’m not. You know, you gotta do it ‘cause you want to do it ‘cause you want to turn me on. It’s not just for the lighter. No one would do it just for a lighter.
TASHA: Why not?
BRENT: At first you were going to do it just for fun. For nothing. And that was… I don’t know, that was… freedom. You didn’t care about the cameras or nothin’ you were going to burn your smokin’ body right here, into my mind, forever, right here, and you didn’t care. Now, you’re thinkin’ about it. Now you’re thinkin’ about it and it’s gone, it’s all gone.
TASHA: I’ll do it.
TASHA: No, I’ll do it.
BRENT: Are you gonna do it ‘cause you wanna do it?
BRENT: ‘Cause you wanna see my reaction?
BRENT: ‘Cause you wanna please me?
TASHA: And get what I want. I can still do it to get what I want.
BRENT: A pink Jesus lighter?
TASHA: I’ve always wanted one.
TASHA: Yeah. So, you got no matches?
BRENT: Nope. No matches. But I uh, sell lighters.
TASHA: I don’t got nooo money for a lighter, but I do have… how ‘bout I show you my tits for one.
BRENT: You sure?
TASHA: You want to see them, you been eyeing ‘em since I walked in here. You get what you want, I get what I want.
BRENT: It’s the American way.
TASHA: God bless America.
[She steps back behind a rack of chips so the audience can’t see and shows her tits. A good long time.]
BRENT: I love you.
[She puts her shirt down. He rubs his face then puts his head in his arms on the counter. She crosses forward. Touches his head. Pets it. She takes an “I heart the 1st amendment” sticker. Puts it on her shirt. Exits. Fade out.]
Copyright © 2011 by Nick Zagone
CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that The Gas-Mart Amendment is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.
Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to the author at firstname.lastname@example.org or www.facebook.com/nickzagone
Purchase The Gas Mart Amendment in Zzyzx Road by Nick Zagone